WalletHub’s bullshit study ranks Massachusetts as the best state to live in

WalletHub published a bullshit study ranking Massachusetts as the best state to live in and Louisiana as the worst. I’ve lived in both states, and I can assure you that WalletHub got the story all wrong.

Massachusetts is not the best state to live in–it’s the worst. Housing costs and taxes are high, and its citizens have a depressing tendency to elect idiots to public office. 

Elizabeth Warren, for example, is a native Oklahoman who couldn’t get elected dogcatcher in her native state.  She landed a cushy job at Harvard Law School by claiming to be a Cherokee, and then the Bay State fools elected her to the U.S. Senate.

Louisiana, it is true, also attracts idiots to public office, but we don’t take them seriously. We would never indulge in the fantasy that Elizabeth Warren is a viable presidential candidate. 

WalletHub ranked Louisiana as the worst state to live in; in fact, it’s one of the best.  Let’s look at cuisine. Massachusetts boasts of Boston baked beans, Yankee pot roast, and clam strips–vile dishes all.

In Louisiana, you can dine on jambalaya, boudin, crawfish etouffee, chicken-and-sausage gumbo, fried catfish, shrimp po’boys, Natchitoches meat pies, beignets, red beans and rice, and banana foster.

How about the people? I found most Massachusetts residents to be arrogant, mean-spirited, and provincial. There’s a reason other New Englanders call them Massholes.

On the other hand, Louisianans are known the world over for their friendliness and hospitality. Its culture is so life-affirming and genial that some people say Louisiana is the only place where you can leave the United States without a passport. 

Sports and recreation? Who’d you rather root for–the New Orleans Saints or those friggin’ New England Patriots? As for college football, Louisianaians have the LSU Tigers. Does Harvard even have a football team?

WalletHub also misanalyzed some other beautiful states. It ranked Texas as the 36th best place to live and Mississippi as one of the five worst states.

Space does not permit me to give these two states the robust defense they deserve. Thus, I will end this essay with just three questions: Which state has the best barbecue—Massachusetts or Texas? Which state is most friendly to deer hunting with dogs—Massachusetts or Mississippi?

Finally, which state has the worst regional accent? Massachusetts, of course. Actually, this was a trick question. People in Louisiana, Texas, and Mississippi don’t speak with an accent.

Boston in winter: Is this the best state to live in?